tifoefs
21/10/2005, 08:15
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
> > The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> > 54 times the sheets were clean
> > 17 times it was too late
> > 49 times you were too tired
> > 20 times it was too hot
> > 15 times you pretended to be sleep
> > 22 times you had a headache
> > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> > 16 times you said you were too sore
> > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> > 19 times you had to get up early
> > 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> > 7 times you were sunburned
> > 6 times you were watching the late show
> > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
> > 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> > 9 times you said your mother would hear us
> >
> > Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
> > because:
> > 6 times you just laid there
> > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
> > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> > 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
> >
> >
> > KEEP READING.......
> >
> > ==========================
> >
> > TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
> >
> > I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
> > didn't get more than you did:
> >
> > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> > 36 times you did not come home at all
> > 21 times you didn't cum
> > 33 times you came too soon
> > 19 times you went soft before you got in
> > 38 times you worked too late
> > 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
> > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
> >
> > Of the times we did get together:
> >
> > The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the
> > sheets.
> >
> > I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,
> > "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
> >
> > The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
> > breathe.
> >
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
> > The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> > 54 times the sheets were clean
> > 17 times it was too late
> > 49 times you were too tired
> > 20 times it was too hot
> > 15 times you pretended to be sleep
> > 22 times you had a headache
> > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> > 16 times you said you were too sore
> > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> > 19 times you had to get up early
> > 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> > 7 times you were sunburned
> > 6 times you were watching the late show
> > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
> > 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> > 9 times you said your mother would hear us
> >
> > Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
> > because:
> > 6 times you just laid there
> > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
> > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> > 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
> >
> >
> > KEEP READING.......
> >
> > ==========================
> >
> > TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
> >
> > I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
> > didn't get more than you did:
> >
> > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> > 36 times you did not come home at all
> > 21 times you didn't cum
> > 33 times you came too soon
> > 19 times you went soft before you got in
> > 38 times you worked too late
> > 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
> > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
> >
> > Of the times we did get together:
> >
> > The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the
> > sheets.
> >
> > I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,
> > "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
> >
> > The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
> > breathe.
> >