One day, a man came home and was greeted by his
> > wife dressed in a very
> > >sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can
> > do anything you
> > >want."
> > >
> > >So he tied her up and went golfing.
> > >
> > >**************************************************
> > >
> > >A woman came home, screeching her car into the
> > driveway, and ran into
> > >the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the
> > top of her lungs,
> > >"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
> > >
> > >The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
> > beach stuff or
> > >mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just
> > get out."
> > >
> > >**************************************************
> > >
> > >Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
> > always right, and the
> > >other is a husband.
> > >
> > >**************************************************
> > >
> > >A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
> > driver's license.
> > >
> > >First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> > The optician showed
> > >him a card with the letters:
> > >
> > >'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> > >
> > >"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> > >
> > >"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the
> > guy."
> > >
> > >**************************************************
> > >
> > >Mother Superior called all the nuns together and
> > said to them,
> > >
> > >"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
> > gonorrhea in the
> > >convent."
> > >
> > >"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm
> > so tired of
> > >chardonnay."
> > >
> > >**************************************************
> > >
> > >A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
> > husband.
> > >
> > >Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> > >
> > >"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
> > butter! Oh my GOD!
> > >
> > >You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
> > them! TURN THEM NOW! We
> > >need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to
> > get MORE BUTTER?
> > >They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said
> > be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> > >listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!
> > Hurry up! Are you
> > >CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to
> > salt them. You know you
> > >always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE
> > SALT! THE SALT!"
> > >
> > >The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
> > with you? You think
> > >I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> > >
> > >The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show
> > you what it feels
> > >like when I'm driving."
>
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